The Retro Critic

Earthworm Jim 2

After looking back at the first Earthworm Jim game on the Sega Genesis for Review A Great Game Day, I thought that I might as well check out the sequel, a game I actually always found superior to the original.

Earthworm Jim 2, also on the Genesis, takes what made the first game great and just… makes it better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the first game but I was never a huge fan of that bubble-sub water level and those mini Psy-Crow space races did get somewhat repetitive after a while. This time around, the game feels much more consistent and I recall back in the day playing it and completing it way more often than the first game just because it had a better overall flow to it. Not that it’s that much easier than the first game, it’s still quite challenging in places but you can get through the game far more smoothly than the original Earthworm Jim.

The plot of the game is established in like 5 seconds before the game even begins. It’s pretty cool that 5 seconds into the game being loaded you already know what’s going on and what you need to do. It’s a minimalist approach, for sure, but SO many games could have benefited from a brief, animated intro to get you hooked into their world straight away. We see Earthworm Jim playing the accordion to his beloved, the unfortunately named Princess What’s-Her-Name, whom, if you recall, was freed then smashed by a cow at the end of the first game. This time, Psy-Crow kidnaps her by distracting Jim for like a second then literally stealing her away from him right there and then.

Can’t a superhero worm serenade his princess next to a giant neon SEGA logo in peace anymore?

Jeesh…

Anyway, what’s new this time?

Well, for one thing Snott is there with you! Popping out of your backpack whenever you need to hang on to something gross and green or land safely thanks to a snot parachute.

No need to use your head as a whip anymore! Yay!

Also, Jim’s default position is him jogging where he stands like he really needs to pee. It’s not exactly a useful new feature but… it’s new. Then there’s the weapons you get, some of which are huge and ridiculous:

And… probably have people living in them…

Others are absolutely, completely, hilariously useless:

Bubbles, huh? Well, now we know where Milon from Milon’s Secret Castle keeps his arsenal…

Obscure reference, I know.

This first level is pretty darn cool-looking. It’s like being in Tim Burton’s brain but with super-worms and snot and stuff. The overlays, the backgrounds all look terrific and it’s good to see the game managed to keep the same visual flair as its predecessor. The animation throughout the game is as smooth as ever and the humour is as demented as ever, if not more so. For one thing, whenever you complete a level you keep being shown these creepy talking cows that smile at you…

Feel free to turn the “Well Done Cows” into a meme, by the way.

You can show it to someone whenever they achieve something you don’t really care about. :P

But that’s nothing compared to some of the other weird nonsense present in the game. This includes the following, particularly bizarre use of pigs:

You wanna talk about animal cruelty in retro games? This one’s got it bad.

I mean, think about it: you stuff a pig inside a goldfish bowl for no reason. You really think the pig can breathe in there? No way. And as for the goldfish, I think it’s fair to assume it’s not with us anymore. That one part of the game is a double-whammy of pure, unmotivated sadism. It’s wrong.

WRONG I say!

I love it.

Oh but this wouldn’t be an Earthworm Jim without COWS. And this game most definitely has cows, tons of ’em, on top of the Well Done Cows. In one level, you’re actually required to carry a bunch of ’em around which just looks…

…wrong.

It’s like the cows are more than a joke this time around: they’re a motif!

You get to see cows being milked, cows are thrown, dropped, cows come out of FLOWERS…

Not even kidding.

If your mind hasn’t exploded from sheer disbelief, then please do read on.

Cows-aside, you’ve got some truly colourful characters hanging around in this game. A section of the first level sees you sitting on stair-lifts, avoiding old ladies as they inexplicably rain from the sky.

In the topsy-turvy world of Earthworm Jim, falling old ladies are NOT to be caught but instead they are to be avoided at all costs!

Catch one and this happens:

The strangest thing about this isn’t so much the fact that an old lady you just saved is beating you, a talking worm, with an umbrella on a stair-lift but rather those portraits which, correct me if I’m wrong, are nothing more than badly rendered depictions of the Jaws poster!

What Jaws has to do with Earthworm Jim, I have no idea.

I just know it’s the best pairing ever!

The second level is really creative in that you’re having to shoot your way through walls of dirt in order to proceed. It’s pretty satisfying to blast your own paths around the level. In the end you fight a gross larva riding a unicycle. Because…

Because why not?

Between most levels, you’re made to a play a mini game, which I guess replaces the space race section of the first game. This time, you’re running back and forth trying to catch Pete’s (your Hulk-like pink dog pal) puppies, which are being thrown by Psy-Crow out a window, onto a pillow and finally bounce back to Pete himself. Why the dog isn’t on ground level helping you catch the puppies directly is beyond me but whatever, you’ll be able to catch most of them. Early on in the game, anyway.

I say ‘most of them’ because as the number of puppies increases, you’ll find yourself dropping a bunch of ’em and feeling horrible. I know it’s a game but missing those puppies depressed the crap out of me back in the day. By the end of the game, you’ll want Psy-Crow’s head for what he did.

Kidnapping a princess is one thing but mass murdering puppies?!

Wow…

Of course, there are terrifying enemies throughout the game, not just Psy-Crow.

Watch out for Muscly Fishbowl-Bowlin’ Cat:

Doors with legs…

STEAK…

But you also get to battle Jim’s sworn enemy, the deadliest of all his foes…

Paper.

I kid but that’s actually also a cool, creative level. In fact, most levels in this game are well worth checking out though I’ll admit I’m no fan of the isometric balloon pushing level. Yes, one level sees you ride a rocket in an awkward top-down-ish view and push a bomb-filled balloon to the end of it as all sorts of rubbish tries to block your way, slow you down or make you go back to the beginning. I always found this one frustrating so if you can beat it in one go: do so. It’s not the kind of level you want to play over and over, trust me.

One level that’s certainly true to form and quite probably THE most memorable level of either game has to be the colon level where you’re this ugly, blind cave salamander swimming down someone’s intestinal passages as you try to avoid bumping into anything and all kinds of obstacles. It’s pretty disgusting but the Moonlight Sonata, which plays during the entire level, does add a certain amount of class to the whole thing. Truly this is where this glorious piece of music belongs.

Right… ?

In a hilarious twist, the level progresses into the most ridiculous gameshow EVER. For one thing it takes place in someone’s butt, for another you’re a worm disguised as a salamander but most importantly: those questions are completely absurd.

What?!

Cross your legs?!

Huh?!

I’m either too smart or too dumb for this game…

To cut a long review short, each level has something new, interesting and insane to offer. One has you blowing air into your own head, floating up and avoiding hitting lightbulbs.

Another will make you crazy hungry as it sports delicious-looking cheeseburgers in the background and loads more tasty stuff in the foreground.

Just thinking about it makes me wish I was walking down that yummy chorizo staircase right now…

Finally, you race Psy-Crow in a heart-stopping test of skills and endurance and get to What’s-Her-Name.

And that’s when, ladies and gentlemen, we get what is quite probably one of the most lolgasmic endings in retro gaming history.

In a terrifying twist, we realize that the princess was a cow all along.

But in another twist of fate, we come to find out that Psy-Crow himself was a cow!

And just when you think you’ve uncovered all there was to uncover, you come to the terrifying realisation that…

YOU were a cow the entire time as well!

*mind blown*

Again, if you haven’t lost your mind with pure joy after hearing how this game ends, do read on.

Earthworm Jim was a great game, Earthworm Jim 2? A really great game. Again, try to find it on the Sega Genesis and get ready for a truly surreal, brilliantly absurd, colourful ride full of action, twists, cruelty, romance, cows…

Enjoy ;)

*unzips his skin to reveal a cow*