The Retro Critic

Toy Commander

Back in the days where the Dreamcast existed and made us Sega fiends very happy, a little game came out that made Toy Story sound positively wimpy.

A little game called: Toy Commander.

I first came upon this game on a short demo which came together with that old Dreamcast magazine and had so much fun with it that, much like a robot, I went out and bought the actual thing. It’s weird to think back to that time and realise that I actually owned not one but two toy-themed video games, the other being Army Men: Sarge’s Heroes.

Toy commander is essentially a collection of mini games, or mini missions if you will, all taking place inside some little kid’s house.

A little kid called Andy.

Andy Toy Commander

Because… apparently every kid who plays with toys is called “Andy”.

Odd.

The plot of the game involves an angry teddy bear called “Huggy Bear”, who looks like this:

Huggy Bear

He enjoys accessories, which is adorable but also a tad confusing. I mean, is that dart board full size? If not, why would Andy own a tiny dart board? I know in Shenmue you can win a mini dart board at one point but that made sense somewhat. If this dart board is, indeed, full size then that means that the bear is full size.

And the toothbrush is huuuuuge.

Anyway, here’s Huggy Bear’s plan:

Toy Commander Plot

lol

I like how Huggy Bear just made up a random military toy title and “claimed” it.

Which is why from this day forth:

I, The Retro Critic, claim the title of REVIEW SPACE RANGER!

Yeah.

The way the game works is you go around the house and foil every single one of Huggy Bear’s plans. Each level relates to a specific part of the house and includes its own toy boss which you fight at the end of each section. Yes, Huggy Bear does have henchmen.

And they’re a weird bunch, trust me.

Cyclone, some robot dude, is the first one you face:

Training Cyclone

At least those henchmen are honest: they do become your allies if you beat them. Not so great for Huggy Bear, though. It doesn’t seem like anyone’s really all that loyal to his cause at all.

I mean, look at the Bear’s reaction when you finally defeat Cyclone:

Congrats

Other bosses you face include some clown dude and a UFO. The cool thing is that at the end of the game you finally get to play as those characters to defeat good old Huggy Bear. I’ll get to the ending later.

Missions range from simple stuff like dropping eggs into a pan to foiling full-blown naval attacks in inexplicably flooded rooms. Andy has a whole range of vehicles and flying machines for you to play with so don’t worry: there is variety there.

Now, before you all scream Superman 64, let me warn you: some missions do require you to fly through rings.

Rings

But this is essentially a giant collection of mini games, not a full-blown Superman game so it works! Don’t let those fiery rings put you off, those missions are fun, I assure you.

Toy Commander is a really creative game and never gets boring, as challenging as parts of it may become. For every tricky rescue or capture mission there’s a delightfully mindless racing mission to keep you on your feet.

Race Car Toy Commander

During the game, you can pick up health and fuel (see top left corner) and other nifty goodies like boosts or upgrades to your weapons. Your vehicles can drive over walls with the help of conveniently place toboggans, giving you the ability to really explore each location. Of course, the goal is to finish each level in record time but the game has a unique sandbox feel which kinda makes you want to go everywhere and shoot at everything.

I really like how the game gives you the illusion of grandeur. As if you’re playing a Grand Theft Auto game or something when really you’re a little toy fighting other little toys. The way the game creates space is pretty clever, to the point where you’re not even surprised to find castles…

Toy Commander Castle

Or entire cities…

Fire City

In what is essentially meant to be a normal house.

I think Andy has way too many toys and way too much time on his hands. That said, I don’t think that setting fire to the living room is a really productive thing to do. Doesn’t he have parents?

Parent's Bedroom

I guess he does.

(no babysitter, though?!)

Something tells me that after that fire debacle, Andy won’t be getting any new toys for a long while so I guess it’s good that he’s enjoying the hell out of them one last time.

Wait…

I haven’t made a toilet joke yet!

Toilet Toy Commander

Yeah, the game allows you to fly your planes down the toilet.

It’s pretty amazing.

As you keep playing, the game gets weirdly epic. You’re flying these giant toy planes shooting at everything that moves…

Plane Battle

Helping out Barbie and Ken with their pest problem…

Barbie Ken

(don’t ask)

Battling trucks with teeth…

Killer Truck

Extraterrestrials…

UFO Toy Commander

This geniusely-named guy:

Sir Aldarak

You name it: you fight it.

Until, like I said earlier, you use all those enemies of yours to find and battle Huggy Bear. It’s a pretty cool reward to get to fly a flying saucer and control a big robot, I must say.

Cyclone Toy Commander

It gives you a sense that going through all these adventures were actually worth it and payed off somehow.

As for Huggy Bear…

Huggy Dead

Pretty dark, huh?

It’s ok, kids, Huggy’s just a toy: he’ll be fine.

Actually, the bear accepts his defeat so gracefully that you end up feeling really bad for even dismantling him in the first place. Read the following monologue and tell me that it doesn’t break your heart:

Toy Commander Ending

Ending2

Ending3

*cries inside*

Man, I haven’t been this depressed about toys since Toy Story 3

So not only does Huggy Bear apologise sincerely for what he did but he tells you how much he cares for you and worries about you growing up and letting go of your dreams but THEN he personally crowns you toy commander!

Until that moment I honestly had never realised that this game had so much heart…

*cries more inside*

And so Andy grabs his toy plane and we cut to a real plane:

Plane Ending

Which, we soon find out, is being piloted by a now adult Andy:

Sleeping Andy

WHO IS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL!!!

:O

Andy Adult

This is just like that movie Flight!

(minus the vodka juice)

Andy has, indeed, achieved his dream of flying a plane but, after this whole sleeping-at-the-wheel fiasco, I can’t imagine his career going on for much longer. And, since we know he likes to play with fire, I have a feeling that things are about to go very badly for him.

Oh well…

Then again this whole thing could have just been some random dream, who knows?

All in all, I do recommend Toy Commander: it’s a really fun and really inventive Dreamcast game with some truly memorable moments. It has its challenging moments but it’s never actually too “difficult.” Kids and older gamers should enjoy it equally and, although it looks a bit dated now and some of the controls take some time to get used to, if you have a Dreamcast and you want an entertaining little game to burn through several hours of your day: this is a good one.

I do personally own the full game but here’s what I REALLY remember from playing that demo back in the day:

Santa Toy Commander

Yup, that is Santa, alright.

One mission sees you play as a rocket-powered Santa as you recover presents to place under a Christmas tree.

Santa Fly

But can Santa fly into the toilet, you ask?

Santa ToiletSanta Toilet2

Of course he can!

He’s Santa!

Man, I wonder what’s in those presents…

Dreamcast

Well played, Dreamcast.

Well played.