The Retro Critic

Top 10 Silliest Sounding Sega Games

Some games sound ridiculous but are so iconic that they totally get away with it, I’m thinking Sonic The Hedgehog, but others, in retrospect, maybe could have done with slightly less silly titles. Then again, why would you want a game like Chester Cheetah: Too Cool To Fool, Wild Woody or Shaq Fu to not be called something goofy?

Silly sounding games have a kind of unique charm to them and Sega consoles, like most other consoles, had plenty of them so, without any further rambling, let’s have a look at 10 of my personal favourites, starting with…

10

CHRISTMAS SEAMAN

SEGA DREAMCAST

Now, easy rude wordplay aside, if you’ve heard about the Dreamcast Seaman games, then you know that it’s one of the craziest and most creative things to ever grace that particular console. Narrated by none other than Leonard Nimoy, you explore the fictional work of Seamen (very funny), a race of humanoid fish people who look kinda terrifying (see end of article).

They become your pets to look after.

Little by little, you get to know what makes them tick and, using the Dreamcast microphone, you give them simple orders which they carry out. You get them when they’re only eggs and raise them all the way until they become bizarre, frog-like creatures with very freaky, very expressive human faces.

The limited Christmas edition, Christmas Seaman, was not only released in Japan with a red Dreamcast but boasted a truly silly title.

I love it.

9

BOOGERMAN: A PICK AND FLICK ADVENTURE

SEGA GENESIS

This one’s a bit of a cult classic so chances are you know the game pretty well already.

Boogerman is a celebration of all things gross and disgusting. The game is big on snot, farts and burps and really makes the most of its… theme. It also helps that it’s tons of fun and looks great.

Having a character called “Boogerman” in your game should really be off-puttingly juvenile and yet it feels like the game is challenging you to play it. Daring you to go out and literally say that full title in a game store. Boogerman: A Pick And Flick Adventure is one of the goofiest side-scrollers you’ll find on the Genesis and also one of the most entertaining.

As well as one of the silliest sounding, of course.

My other pick for the 8th position on this list was Aero: The Acro-Bat, also for the Genesis.

8

FIRE SHARK

SEGA GENESIS

Here’s one that fits into the “silly and awesome sounding” category.

Another Genesis game, Fire Shark puts two of the most powerful things in the world together and… kinda just hopes for the best. The game is disappointingly just another plane-themed shoot ’em up but, to be fair, it’s decent enough.

The Fire Shark I had pictured in my head, to be honest, involved fire and sharks.

Sharks on fire, even!

The Japanese title is just as silly but in a different way: as Shark! Shark! Shark!, at least we don’t get the badass image of a flaming shark vomiting fire at us like a dragon.

And that’s just sad.

7

LASER GHOST

SEGA MASTER SYSTEM

In the same vein as Fire Shark, here’s a game which merges two things that should not be together to create a memorable title unlike any other.

At least this time we get both lasers and ghosts, sort of. The “Laser” in the title actually referring to the fake beam emitted by the gun you use in the arcade if you play that version. On the Sega Master System, you’d need to use the light phaser gun to make it relevant.

Laser Ghost is often described as a cross between Ghostbusters and one of the Poltergeist movies. If you like arcade shooters, it’s ok if not exactly mind-blowing.

Unlike its title.

6

THE AWESOME POSSUM KICKS DR MACHINO’S BUTT

SEGA GENESIS

Famously ripping off Sonic The Hedgehog, this Awesome Possum game not only sounds like a bad idea when you hear the title but it even sounds bad when you hear the concept!

So not only was this not a great game on paper but it wasn’t even all that great in practice, its graphics and ideas nowhere near working as well as arguably all Sonic games. The whole preachy environmental message, spoon-fed to us through distractingly game-slowing text didn’t help. Plus Dr Machino just doesn’t have the same ring to it as Dr Robotnik so including it in the title is just asking for trouble.

In case you hadn’t noticed, the title is also much too long and is really more of a random statement than it is a clever title. And adding “butt” to it doesn’t so much make it sound cooler and more hip as it does, you’ve guessed it, make it sound silly.

James Pond 2 : Codename RoboCod was my alternative choice for number 6.

5

HAPPY BREEDING

SEGA DREAMCAST

Now I found a bunch of games, some based on anime series, other not but with anime-style character design and plots. A lot of them had silly titles which could be due to the bad translation from Japanese to English but I think they’re still worthy of mention nonetheless.

Happy Breeding is, obviously, the one I jumped to straight away.

It was released back in 2003 but, having not owned or played it myself, I can only assume that it involved, um, happy breeding (?). I’m also guessing it was a Japan-only release since it’s pretty hard to find anything online about it.

Other candidates I thought of for this spot included Cotton Boomerang (Sega Saturn), Welcome To Pia Carrot 2.5 (Sega Dreamcast) and Happy Lesson: First Lesson (Sega Dreamcast).

All of them looked far saner and ultimately not as crazy as they sounded.

4

BALDY LAND

SEGA SATURN

This game is exactly what you think it is.

You’ve probably heard of it under the name Baldies on the Atari Jaguar, the Amiga and as a DOS game. Baldy Land is the same thing, except on the Saturn. It’s a real time strategy game with a stupid but amusing concept: you control a community of bald people as they battle against a bunch of hairy people who are, of course, called “Hairies.”

It’s an ok game if you like that kind of Warcraft/Command & Conquer style but what’s mostly memorable about it is that it involves baldness and lots of it.

The sequel, Skull Caps, did less well because, I’m sure, it just didn’t sound quite as silly as its superior predecessor.

3

SLAP FIGHT MD

SEGA GENESIS

Unlike Baldy Land, Slap Fight MD is SO not what it sounds.

I was expecting either a really silly boxing game in which you’re slapping your opponent instead of punching him or something hilariously awful (and shamefully sexist) like CatFight. Or something involving medical doctors slapping each other’s faces with fish. What I got was another futuristic arcade shooter with air fights, for sure, but very little slapping.

Kinda like Fire Shark.

The alternate title, Alcon, is much more fitting in that it doesn’t raise your hopes and then inevitably shatter them.

Alcon could be anything: a space shooter, a six-armed robot, a type of bread…

ANYTHING.

2

BALLZ

SEGA GENESIS

This was a toss up between Ballz and Mr. Nutz.

Because I’m that mature.

Yes it’s rather silly of me to go straight below the belt when hearing both those game titles but it’s not like spelling balls and nuts with a “z” makes it sound any different! Also known as Ballz 3d: Battle Of The Balls, the game knew exactly what it was doing with its naughty-sounding title. Hell, its tagline was “To be the champion, you gotta have Ballz!”.

Apparently Nintendo asked for that wording to be changed to something a little less suggestive.

The fools.

Mr. Nutz is a little more earnest and follows some stupid squirrel in a not-that-great looking platformer. Oh, almost forgot, Ballz is about people made of balls fighting each other.

Sorry: made of “Ballz.”

1

SEGAGAGA

SEGA DREAMCAST

I swear this exists.

This is why the Dreamcast is so good: because it dared to give us games like Segagaga, even as it neared the last moments of its short but sweet existence.

The concept of Segagaga is simply genius: making fun of Sony’s rivalry with the struggling Dreamcast, it’s an RPG in which you are hired by Sega in a last minute attempt to survive against the tyranny of enemy company DOGMA (insert Kevin Smith joke here).

Along the way, you get animated cut-scenes in which several classic Sega characters cameo. The project to save Sega, in the game, is called Project Segagaga.

I guess we now know why the Dreamcast really failed.

Unfortunately, the game was only released in Japan and this means that it’s not only hard to find but, even if it is found, you’ll probably struggle to get the jokes unless you can read Japanese. One of the many awesome things the game has to offer, which makes me really, REALLY want to hunt it down and play it, is an appearance by Ralph Macchio, of Karate Kid fame, in a mech suit representing DOGMA/Sony and fighting you as a boss.

The plot of the game and the story behind its development is so good it more than deserves a quick trip to Wikipedia. I really wish the game could one day be playable at least as an English-translated rom, because, as silly as it sounds…

It also sounds kinda amazing.

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I know I’m missing out some very stupid sounding games so feel free to post your favourites in the comments below as we’d love to hear ’em!

In the meantime, enjoy your Seamen…

… and happy breeding!