The Retro Critic

Quartet

I love my Sega Master System, I really do.

It introduced me to so much joy back in the day from Alex Kidd to that Simpsons game where you’re jumping over hats or whatever that one was about.

What it didn’t quite excel at sometimes, though, was transferring arcade games to a console format. Usually, minor changes would occur both with the graphics and the gameplay itself which would either ruin the original or create an ok, if rather different, game.

Quartet was one of those which, luckily, didn’t fatally suffer from that transfer but which certainly ended up looking, sounding and feeling pretty different.

To give you an idea, here’s what Mary and Edgar, the game’s two (yes, two) main characters used to look like:

And here’s how they look on the Master System game’s cover:

Not only that but, somewhere along the line, Edgar’s name became “Edger”.

The most blatant gaffe, however, has to be the fact that the game is entitled “Quartet” but lets you play as no more than two characters whereas, in the arcade version, you appropriately got four to choose from. The Japanese version of the Master System game eventually was re-titled Double Target but we were otherwise left with the worst quartet in the history of gaming and… music, I guess.

Quartet was a fast-paced side-scroller on the arcade with great music, cool sound effects, loads of enemies to kill and a simple but effective premise:

Every level has an Exit door but the key is always hidden inside (yes: inside) some boss and since there’s usually a barrage of baddies to get rid of all over the place, this makes for a challenging little adventure.

It’s the same deal on the Sega Master System except the pace is much slower, the characters are much smaller and the entire thing is much shorter, even with its secret bonus stages. The level design is just as random as on the arcade except they feel busier somehow and it’s sometimes unclear where you’re meant to be going, who you’re meant to be shooting at and what you can jump on.

As you go from one level to the next, your character wins medals and gets a well deserved promotion.

Now I know that the above drawing of Mary looks like it belongs in some low rent manga but don’t get your hopes up: the game certainly doesn’t go for an anime style. Instead, the Master System decides to stick to what it can actually do, which was probably a wise move, to be honest.

By the way: yup, that is a jetpack.

Very useful when fighting flying robots or monsters.

There’s a slight stiffness to the controls, unfortunately, which makes flying the jetpack not quite as much fun as it should have been but it’s still a friggin’ jetpack so there’ll always be a residue of awesomeness in there somewhere. I mean, even that dire Minority Report game on the PS2 and Xbox couldn’t make jetpacks not at least a little bit amazing.

As for the enemies, they’re mostly robots save for the odd creepy cat dragon:

(told ya it was creepy)

But my favourite sprite has to be those lips you see flying around and following you every so often because nothing says sci-fi space-set action like floating lips:

At least, I thought these were lips before they actually opened to reveal a gross eyeball:

But I totally get half a point because, soon after, it opens again and finally delivers the Rolling Stones logo I knew it was capable of:

None of the other sprites are this oddly conceived and this surreal so I do cherish that floating mouth and all it stands for.

Although the game is enjoyable enough to play, you still get the feeling that it could have been and was much better. There’s a lack of satisfaction when blasting enemies and riddling those walls with laser beams or space bullets or whatever you’re shooting. Perhaps it was a rushed transfer but I’ve seen far worse in that department so it’s possible the developers just did their best with what they were given to work with.

The closer you get to the end, the more colourful the levels become and the more elaborate the bosses become, of course. You’ll know when you reach the last level because you’ll feel like busting out disco moves on the dance floor like it’s 1971.

Which is odd because this game was a 1986 release and disco had been dead for years…

But I digress.

The level’s way too rainbow-rific for its own good is what I’m getting at.

Anyway, you destroy those middle thingies and you get a final cut scene in which your character finally looks like a real human being.

Why thank you… weird, naked Jell-O lady I’ve never seen before.

This was totally worth it!

Now where’s my eighth promotion? I have a continent to run.

Sooner than you can say “so what’s next?”, the game abruptly ends and you’re left wondering what happened. Had the game possessed that sense of urgency the arcade effortlessly delivered and more levels with more variety to them, Quartet could have actually been a really good game on the Master System but, as it stands, with its halved quartet, its Jell-O ladies and its unimpressive Game Over screens…

It’s only ok.

Worth a shot if you can find it but only truly worth it if played on the arcade.