My Two Gils

Top 5 Retrogaming Moments (Spoiler Free)

The number one is from the first Super Mario Brothers. Why did I tell you that upfront? I did it to hurt you. Do you feel the disappointment?  That feeling, is it familiar to you? Do you feel betrayed? Like someone crossed the line? Is your heart broken? Is this your heart bleeding before me? Is this you down on your knees? These foolish games are tearing you apart. These thoughtless spoilers are breaking your heart. They’re breaking your heart.

Quit playing games with my heart!

This is why I wrote this list! Can’t we share our favorite moments in gaming without destroying each others’ chances to really feel these moments? I know we want to share this bliss with everyone around us, but some people still haven’t had the opportunity to feel the way we feel. Don’t assume that people have played every old game you like. Don’t assume they won’t care about these moments because these games have aged. Everything changes, but beauty remains something so tender… I can’t explain. Well, I may be dreaming, but until I awake, can we make this dream last forever? And I’ll cherish all the love we share for a moment like this. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. Some people search forever for that one special kiss…

Anyway… without a proper top something list this column wouldn’t really represent me, would it? I needed something defining, memorable, poignant! I needed something before Woodyman came back! In that urgency, I came up with my top 5 favorite moments in retro video games. Isn’t there anything better than a spontaneous reaction to something completely unexpected? Of course, it goes without saying that kind of feeling can only happen once, and I don’t want to ruin your own experiences. This is why this list is spoiler free. (I can’t guarantee it hasn’t been in contact with nuts.)

5. Mega Man 6 – Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma

Mega Man 6 certainly wasn’t everyone’s favorite, but it did stay true to the Mega Man formula, except for one thing. The villain wasn’t Dr. Wily, it was somebody else! The infamous Mr. X. I know what you’re thinking. That can’t be his real name, right? You will eventually find out after going through the 8 robot masters, as per usual. Maybe some of you are wondering if  he’s Mega Man X who traveled back in time? Homer Simpson trying to capitalize on some robotic gossips? Maybe he’s actually a guy with a really unoriginal name? I know this shocking revelations was one of my favorite moments in retro-gaming history. Too bad there are so many other good moments out there.

Doesn’t look like anybody I know.

4. Pokémon Red/Blue – Battle Lines Are Drawn

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was! Ah, the early Pokémon memories! To be fair, I actually enjoyed the game before I even knew of the anime. Boy did I want that game! I got it as a surprise before a long trip I was going to take with my family. Catching these little animals and building a team I could be proud of, there were few feeling better than this as a shorts wearing youngster. It didn’t take long before I reached the Elite Four, to be the champion I was destined to be. With my Charizard at my side, I tackled the 4 most powerful trainers in the land, which gave me such a rush! But the moment I learned that after the Elite First, I wasn’t done, my mind exploded! What could happen? Would I have to beat Mewtwo? Would it be Prof. Oak who was secretly training all my boxed Pokémon? It couldn’t be my rival, he was always going the wrong way and getting beaten up. What kind of trial awaited? I won’t reveal anything, but this moment probably surprised a lot of you as kids, I’m sure.

Could it be? 

3. Super Metroid –  Crawl Before You Can Walk

The Metroid series has always been known for its surprises. From the first iteration where you learn that Samus… Wait. Did you guys play the first game? Crap… not all of you. OK then, let’s just move on to the current entry. As you may know, in Super Metroid you play as Bounty Hunter, whose gender really isn’t that important, who goes back to a planet called Zebes to hunt down the group who did… something… very bad. You arrive on the planet and soon after having obtained an undisclosed crawling device, you reach an area that may or may not be related to past experiences.

In any case, you will make your way through some enemies and eventually reach the final area where you will be greeted by petrifying illness struck living creatures until you come across… something that could be regarded as being somewhat vaguely familiar. Then, an intriguing interaction will take place before you reach the final boss. Only during a particular instant in the boss fight will you witness a moment of redemption, courage, friendship, devotion. A moment so surprising, so deep I simply cannot spoil it. It’s great though, trust me. Apart from the two next entries and when we learned that Darth Vader was Luke’s father, it’s clearly the best visual media moment of anyone’s life.

Samus getting out of her shi…. I mean his… I mean THE ship. Carry on, nothing spoiled her. I MEAN HERE.

2. Final Fantasy VII – Say Your Prayers

Now, everyone surely knows about this moment, right? What do you mean some of you have never played Final Fantasy VII? Good thing I’m keeping this spoiler free…

As you may know, your Final Fantasy VII party consists of Cloud, the main protagonist, Barret, the burly swearing rebellion leader, Red XIII, a talking dog, Cid, an old sailor/pilot, Tifa, a childhood friend and bartender and Aerith/Aeris, a mysterious girl who seems to fit the main female protagonist trope perfectly. There could be an additional number of other characters, but you’ll have to find out about this potential possibility for yourself. Now I won’t tell with whom, but your main character will develop affectionate feeling for one of the aforementioned or undisclosed characters. I know it’s not really obvious, but you’ll have to make do with that information for now.

As you go around chasing a man in a black cape that may or may not be Batman, an unexpected tragic event will befall your party. I can’t really say much more without giving it away! Let’s just say someone will have a encounter of the painful kind. Go see it for yourself! You should play the game before it becomes Ancient (wink wink) history.

Could it be the one you “give it” to? No, of course not. She’s 6 you sick bastard!

1. Super Mario Bros. – The Struggle is Real

The classic Super Mario Bros. has so many mysteries to unveil. Did you know you could enter some of these green pipes? That’s not all! Some blocks containing items are invisible. Crazy, right? It’s better than fireworks! Imagine if there were actual fireworks in this game? That would be amazing.

One of my favorite surprise from the game comes from beating the boss at the end of the big castle. You go through the standard stages at the beginning, but you never expect such an incredible twist! I know tons of people already know about it, but don’t ruin it for the next generation, just getting into retro games. Don’t spoil the surprise. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about yet, let’s just say you’ll soon understand why it’s called World 1-4 instead of Stage 4.


But what? You’ll have to see for yourself what this “princess” has to say to Mario.

Wasn’t that fun? Now go on and live all these marvelous moments for yourselves, but don’t tell anyone. Let’s not ruin their special time. Don’t forget to share your own favorite moments in gaming, but make sure you don’t spoil anything. Keep it classy! See you in two weeks!