JoshuaCaleb(75) has been a retro gamer his entire life due to never being able to afford modern consoles and let's face it, old games are just more fun. You can find Joshua's own retro gaming podcast, InRetroSpection at OfficialVGHC.com or follow his frequent rants and controversial outbursts on Twitter @JoshuaCaleb75
“Doctor, I have trouble stopping and making sharp turns while running. It’s like I have bananas strapped to my feet.”
“Hmmmm……You seem to have a severe case of Mario Foot.”
Have you ever just barely slid off a thin platform in a platforming game? Or skidded right into an enemy while trying to turn the other direction? Of course you have, we all have. But here’s the thing, through hours of research & experimentation* (yes, sadly, many lives were lost in the process) I figured out what causes that last second slip into death: It’s not your lack of skill or an enemy’s magnetic powers, it’s a gaming-physics phenomenon I’ve dubbed, Mario Foot.
Tis that time of year again, where my dual-personalities comes out to play; I like to call them Dr. Kringle & Christmas Hyde. While I love Christmas and the holidays, it can also bring out the worst in people, media and games. So while Dr. Kringle sleeps off that eggnog, let’s let Christmas Hyde have some fun with a few holiday-themed games.
Notice what he’s scowling at…
Stairs. Animators hate them. Daleks (were) confounded by them. They whine and groan like a little kid after getting socks for Christmas instead of a Nintendo or Sega. They break when you least expect it. They taunt you with the promise of victory at the top. They write with permanent markers on video game cartridges. They kidnap children, beat up old ladies, assault women, kill teenagers and, and…wait, what was I talking about? Oh right. Stairs.
To be honest, I didn’t pay much attention to stairs in video games until recently. My attention/hate came to a head when I couldn’t progress through a certain game because I didn’t ascend a set of stairs exactly the way the game wanted me to. So I decided to let off some steam here in my second RetroHate feature. Let’s talk Stairs!
Greetings Interwebs and 1MoreCastlers! Welcome to my (possibly temporary;-) debut on 1MC! Some of you may or may not know me as the host/producer of the little known retro gaming podcast, InRetroSpection. You may or may not also know that I love retro games, often times more than modern ones, though I do love me some Assassin’s Creed and Elder Scrolls. Well today is not the day for rose-colored nostalgia or gushing praise for the classics of old; no, today is is the day I get my rage on. So strap in boys and girls, cause it’s time to RetroHate!