Raising a Gamer-Friendly Cat
Hello there Internet people! I’ve got a riddle for you:
It usually arrived in your life without you expecting it or asking for it. Now it stalks you most of the day hoping you’ll feed it and complaining when you don’t. Whatever you talk about, it just seems to reply nonsense and never leave you alone no matter how many times you ask. Every time you’re on a computer, it jumps at you making your online experience terrible. It pisses on everything you love and hold dear, it shits in front of your face then acts like a victim. It knocks down all your achievements and you have a strange suspicion that it wants to genuinely hurt you sometimes. In fact, you often wonder how many of them are roaming in your neighborhood, ready to jump at you. In the end, though, you really pity the poor creatures and their seemingly senseless behaviors. So, what is it?
A Gator? No! I was talking about a cat. Why would you…? Oh. Well this is awkward…
Anyway, with the Raising a Gamer writer Chris Swartz on hiatus, out with the intermittent insomnia disease called “a newborn,” I thought I’d take the chance to capitalize on his popularity by basically ripping-off his column. At first, I felt bad, but remembered that HIS readers are too sleep-deprived to make the difference and MY readers never really had any respect towards me to begin with. I also recalled that I did not have a child of my own. I tried to borrow one from one of my friends, but his egotistical mindset could not be overcome. (He had three… I mean… come on… just lend me one for a day) While other around me thanked their favorite deity for not letting me be responsible for a human being just yet, I channeled my inner Tom Cox and turned to my cats. How do you raise a gaming friendly cat while avoiding (noticeable) animal cruelty? Here are a few tips:
Cats want nothing more than an undisturbed gaming session. By having your gaming setup as high as possible, your cat will be able to survey the area letting you know immediately if something highly disturbing comes up, such as a laser pointer, a fly, someone giving away food, etc.
Don’t hog the game’s sound. Your cat really enjoys the melodies of your video games. Should you be selfish and use headphones, your cat will let you know that he does not appreciate your behavior.
Cats are quite the collectors, while they are not fans of sealed copies, they prefer boxed versions of consoles and games.
While cats know their way around a video game collection, do not let them curate it. They have problems managing money. Do NOT leave them with your credit card. I learned that lesson first hand.
Always leave space for your cat. Whether it’s on the couch, next to the TV/monitor or while gaming on a handheld, cats need some space when gaming, even if they take the only chair in the room.
Follow their example and try to stretch out once in a while even if you sit back down afterwards. Or why not take a break from playing and go outside?
To make sure you have enough “space” I recommend using wireless controllers… Also, don’t forget to leave them space even when gaming on a handheld. In return, they’ll help you keep a safe distance from your device, to make sure you do not damage your eyes.
Your cat likes to identify with your characters when you play, don’t forget to include it in your party, even if it’s just a Pokémon. When gaming next to a cat, try to stay as cool and collected as possible, even when playing multiplayer. Cats are proud animals that demand respect.
They are not strangers to competition, but prefer a silent confrontation most of the time.
Of course, when the battle is underway, you can let one or two insults slip . Cats will tolerate them as they are themselves fan of slight trolling.
And remember, your cat spends time playing with you, the least you could do is spend time playing with it. Cats require the same attention as dogs, please do not adopt a cat because “it takes care of itself”.
Thanks for reading and happy gaming, cat owners!
P.S. I apologize for some of these pictures’ quality as some of them date back to a while. In case you were wondering, yes, these are all my cats with some other occasional cameos from my in-laws’ cats.