GMZ #8 – PeTA, Q*Bert, Sex Toy Peripherals, & Family Feud
Frustrated PeTA Decides to Lash Out at the Past
By Anne Neemal
Did you hear about PeTA’s new game? Yeah, didn’t think so, but you might be interested.
It appears PeTA thinks they have a problem staying relevant and in gamers’ faces. Not enough new games that treat animals unethically are being made for PeTA to stay in the headlines. Luckily, they seem to have found a perfect solution: looking to the past. So, that’s where they went, way back to the past, and their first target is Joust, since it is apparently unethical to use some bizarre form of giant, flying emus/ostriches in arena-style battle-to-the-death joust matches.
They’ve even made a Flash game for their campaign, which, despite the fact that it’s a Flash game made by PeTA for a pretty ridiculous reason, is rather fun. You get to fly around as the giant emu-beast in a large, densely populated city and just crush a tonne of humans and cars and knock over buildings. You can also “launch” eggs, which are inexplicably, but also awesomely, explosive. I didn’t really get the point, but the result is more fun than going on a tank rampage in any Grand Theft Auto game. If anything though, the spoof is counterproductive. It only makes me wish even more that I could fly around on a giant bird and murder all who oppose me. This is likely precisely the reason the game was taken down not long after. We did manage to get this screenshot.
Q*Bert Becomes a Neo Nazi
By Nathalie Zie
You may remember the former gaming star making headlines several months ago when he was arrested for possesion of illicit drugs. Well, he’s back, and while he claims the “nose dildos” belonged to a friend, he’s owned up to his drug abusing past and claims he’s clean now, all thanks to “my great group of new friends.”
Q*Bert claims he was in a really bad place when a member of a local neighbourhood watch organisation came to his door with a pamphlet.
“I understand now that a lot of the things I went through weren’t my fault. These damn immigrants started showing up, stealing jobs in the gaming industry, and everywhere else. My new friends have made me realise that these foreigners, but not only them, Jews, homosexuals, and Obama also, are to blame for all the hardships my friends, myself, and much of America have suffered. None of our problems are our fault.”
Editor’s note: It’s at this point that Q*Bert was asked if being born on Q*Dina would make him a foreigner. He immediately declared the interview over and stormed off while several of his new and very large friends broke our photographers camera.
“Wiintimate” – A new line of 1st party, sex-related Wii and Wii U peripherals announced
by D. L. Dough
Steve Harvey dies tragically at 57, Donkey Kong to take over as Family Feud host
by R. Dawson
Steve Harvey died tragically of a heart attack on Thursday at the age of 57. He was found dead in his home, having suffered a fatal heart attack. Family Feud, the show Harvey had been hosting in recent years, announced Sunday that, with Harvey’s passing, the show would continue on Wednesday with its new host, Donkey Kong. A spokesperson for Family Feud stated, “After Steve Harvey’s popularity, we decided that the best way to continue Family Feud and serve Steve’s memory as best we could is to hire another ape as host, in keeping with Harvey’s trend.”
Despite outcry of fans, calling the remark “racist,” and members of PETA, who said the comparison was “an insult to primates,” Host-Elect Donkey Kong expressed pleasure with the arrangement, and followed the announcement by eating 80 bananas in celebration.