GMZ

GMZ #7 – Donatello, DiCaprio, BigJoe is Great, and Poetry

Donatello’s New Horizon

By Dave Shar

Donatello, noted member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and founder of technology company Splintered Connections, has announced his leaving the group and the creation of “Half-Shelled: A Look at Games from the Inside-Out,” a series analyzing the game industry, game design, and the stories of different game developers.

“I figured it was time for a change,” Donatello said in an interview with Wired Magazine, “The TMNT were great to me, but I outlasted my prime, and with the tech company doing well enough to sustain me, I decided to leave the group and follow some other ideas I’ve had on my mind for a while.”

When asked if there was any negative feelings over him leaving, he responded happily. “No not at all: Galileo and Leonardo were very understanding. I mean, we were all a little bit bummed, but after Raph’s death a few years back, and having to forcibly remove Mikey from the group, I think they understood my reasons.”

Despite the sudden change, Don seemed very excited about the new series he is producing. “I’m working with some great people, like J. Testoy and Greg Palaphillo, and I am getting to help make a program that teaches people about a medium that I love and have been involved with for over 20 years.” Donatello said that the first episode is expected to be released sometime 2014 and will be titled “Understanding Ludonarrative Dissonance.”

“Wolf” Coming to Your Den Soon

by Fran S. Ford; Copper, LA

Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio shocked the video game world by announcing a companion game to the past year’s hit movie “The Wolf of Wall Street” at a press conference run by EA. The companion game will be exclusively released on mobile platforms and will be developed by Pop Cap and published by EA.

“I think games are the next in media,” said DiCaprio, “and I think ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ has the ability to let audiences live out their fantasies in this new interactive medium.” Scorsese spoke surprisingly little, and spent most of the press conference hugging a Panavision PFX-GII and mumbling words like “splicing” and “reels.”

The game itself will consist of 3 mini-games: Quaalude Cruising, Snort the Line, and Pussy Parade. The app itself costs $2 and contains extra levels in each mini game available via in-app purchases. As the press conference closed, Leonardo declared, “Marty and I are ecstatic to be able to bring the Wolf experience to men, women, and families all around the globe.”

Spikes

By Big Joe

Something about spikes. I dunno, they’re in like every game. I’m tired. More later.

Link Parties at Nightclub, Lashes Out When Questioned about Sexual Harassment Allegations

By Bagu

With reporters camped out next to his mansion ever since he was accused by Princess Toadstool of sexual harassment, the boy in a green tunic has not been seen. That is, not until he was caught leaving Funky’s Nightclub last night. But when he was asked to comment on the accusations levelled against him, something snapped. Luckily, so did our photographer’s camera, which caught the following image.

(Note: Steve, our photographer, did go to the hospital to get checked out. No concussion, just a cut and a bruise. He is considering pursuing the matter in court.)