My Two Gils

Mario and Peach’s Forbidden love

If you’re expecting a topical story to celebrate the romantic Holiday that is Valentine’s Day, prepare to be disappointed. I rarely look forward to these mid-February mating calls. Now I know some of your are asking: “Why don’t you enjoy Valentine’s Day? I’m surprised since you seem to be living a great relationship with your life partner who comes back to a loving condominium at around 5H30 PM every day, 8PM on Thursdays, after her work day.” Hum… yes, you are right. I consider myself lucky and blessed by this almost 10-year relationship… Also, please respect the restraining order as per court demands. Thank you.

Which leads me to clarify the situation. I enjoy Valentine’s Day as a day any couple takes to reignite and commemorate the love shared. Though many only see the commercial aspects, that do exist, or the pain of celibacy on this Holiday, I see true romance. In the gaming world however, I see incest propaganda, time and time again. You know who you are.

This is disgusting, Rodrigato @ DeviantArt… if that is your real name.

The above image disgusts me. After all these years and the Mario / Princess Toadstool pairing, or Peachario ship as you young kids call it these days, is still one of the most thrown around gaming couple. To think you have so many other romance options to choose from! More importantly, to think you have so many potential pairings that are not SIBLINGS!

Yes! Mario and Peach are brother and sister! I don’t understand how you people cannot see this! Even the supposedly smart creator of the Game Theory series, Matthew Patrick, devoted a whole episode on how Rosalina was Mario and Peach’s offspring. I mean, Rosalina is basically a Peach clone. If Mario has the genetics to give birth to Rosalina, he has the genetics to be in the same family as Peach. That’s just common sense! Here’s the episode to refresh your memory.

I tried to ignore it for a while, hoping that most people would come to their senses. I thought I wasn’t the person to educate you, not that you perverts deserve my help to become decent human beings… However, my charitable soul cannot let you wander in those unholy thoughts. So I’ll try to explain why Mario and Peach are siblings, but also teach you about their origin. Prepare to get your mind blown to smithereens..

First of all, you’ve probably come across numerous individuals questioning the constant rescuing of Princess Toadstool by Mario. Why would he go through so much trouble for the woman he loves? Few would go through the same cycle of distress 14 times and still feel the same way about their partner. To be honest, I don’t think I could. There would come a time where you’d wonder if it’s a relationship worth fighting for anymore. But Mario is still at it after all these years. It’s almost as if his love for Peach was unconditional, isn’t it? As I mentioned before, there are a lot of people I’d give up on, but not family. If I had to save a brother, a mother, a sister, a cousin 14 times, I would, no doubt about it. Wouldn’t that explain Luigi’s participation in these adventures a lot better than simply trying to save his brother’s love interest?

Awww… A family picture.

Flimsy argument, you say? Why not take a look at the Mushroom Kingdom in which these characters reside:









Mario and Luigi sure stand out.

As you can see, Peach, Mario, Daisy and Luigi don’t really fit with the rest of the characters. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are not mushroom people, but humanoid individuals. Furthermore, Nintendo has confirmed that Toads are genderless, while Mario and Peach clearly propagate gender stereotypes. It’s clear as day that they are from a different species, but the chances of separate groups of this species ending up at the same time at the same place are pretty small. As Mario history shows us, however, these kids were kidnapped as babies, by the evil storks. You can see in the ending to Yoshi’s Island that these babies end up in the hands of people living in Mushroom houses.

Furthermore, this family bond would explain why Mario and Peach do not live together. I mean, after so many years “dating” you’d think they would. But who wants to live with siblings for most of your adulthood. Besides, it’s also obvious that these family ties are hidden from the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom. You see, Princess Toadstool is… well… anything but a Toadstool. Seeing as the chancellor, sometimes called Toadsworth, seems to run things, you could wager that Peach is actually a replacement to the “Real Princess Toadstool”. In fact, the whole Toadstool family probably disappeared. Taking Peach under his wing, the chancellor managed to stabilize the Kingdom under a reign of joy and peace. Only him, and of course Princess Toadstool and Mario (and the green guy) know the truth. This can be deduced from the beginning of Mario 64, knowing her letter was going to Mario directly, Princess Toadstool was allowed to sign it by her true name for the first time: Peach. For those who want to point out Super Mario Bros. 3 where letters are signed by Princess Toadstool, I think I don’t need to remind you all of this was a ruse by Bowser to kidnap the Princess. Speaking of Bowser, for him to continually pursue the love of Peach, you can bet he knows that no romance is going on between the Princess and Mario. In fact, he probably remembers it from the Yoshi’s Island era.

I think it’s safe to assume you are all convinced by my arguments by now. So how can we explain the presence of these humans in a Toad world, while staying in the realms of the Nintendo lore? By searching for left-handed blue-eyed parents, as Game Theory’s Matthew Patrick suggested, we notice another famous Nintendo franchise, the Legend of Zelda.

I stepped over a line bringing the Legend of Zelda into this, didn’t I? There’s no way Link and Zelda could give birth to Mario, Luigi and Peach! Of course not. But with all those Links, all those Princess Zeldas and with such a convoluted timeline, who knows if they really end up together?


Although, when you look at Peach and Link side by side, you can see some resemblance. The slightly waved blond hair, the piercing blue eyes, those long legs wrapped in white prolonging into a firm “derrière” tentatively pulling your eyes away from those luscious lips… *ahem* But what about Mario and Luigi? How could they have obtained their chubby nature? Their elegant ‘stache? Their working man spirit? Think about the Zelda universe, doesn’t Link have other potential love interests? Princess Ruto? Saria? Or even a little cutie who takes care of a well known ranch. Remember Malon? Remember her red shirt and blue overalls wearing father?

Excuse me, I think you dropped your jaw.

That’s right. Mario, Luigi and Peach are offsprings of Malon and Link. Every genetic element is taken into consideration here since Malon is also blue-eyed and left handed. This narrative probably happened during the child Link timeline. With nothing to do and knowing he wasn’t a Kokori, Link surely took a job at the Ranch where the relationship developed. The only mystery remaining is what happened to cause these children to get kidnapped by the storks. Maybe some kind of dimensional rift, maybe the cuccos called upon their bird friends, maybe the Mushroom Kingdom Chancellor ordered the kidnapping. Who knows?

Shall we sum this up to help all of you wrap your heads around this? Mario and Peach are siblings, hence the unconditional love between them and the absence of romance. Furthermore, they are the offsprings of Link and Malon. Though the reason for their arrival in the Mushroom Kingdom is yet to be made clear, Peach was taken by the Castle in an attempt to stabilize the war-filled region, (kind of like what happened in Final Fantasy Tactics). Only after a few years did they discover the truth, which allowed Peach to use her real name around Mario. Knowing this, Bowser keeps kidnapping the Princess in order to gain power while still seeing the possibility of romancing her. Mario and Luigi’s unconditional love force them to rescue her time and time again.

So please… PLEASE! Stop drawing and posting these incestuous drawings and pictures. That’s all I need to enjoy Valentine’s Day again.