GMZ

GMZ Breaking News Special Bulletin: Nintendo Announces Super Smash Kart Pokémon Vs Tekken Ware Dream Snap Party Star Revelations Turbo

Special guest reporter Bailey here with a red-hot exclusive scoop. Stop the presses: In the latest Nintendo Direct presentation, CEO Satoru Iwata announced a new title that should usher in a new era of crossovers for the big N systems. Gamers everywhere are reeling from the news, as unbelievable as it sounds, and as ridiculously awesome as it seems – with the release of official company screenshots, there seems little room for doubt. It is coming. It is Super Smash Kart Pokémon Vs Tekken Ware Dream Snap Party Star Turbo.

As a collaborative effort between Nintendo, the Pokémon Company, Capcom, Konami, Namco, Wal-Mart, and some hobo they found in a ditch in southwest Iowa, Super Smash Kart Pokémon Vs Tekken Ware Dream Snap Party Star Turbo is expected to be the hit of the holidays with a simultaneous release on Wii U, 3DS, and the Virtual Girl, a new quasi-portable console designed to encourage diversity in gaming by emphasizing long-standing stereotypes, such as hot-pink accessorizing and fashion-themed adventures.

While early screenshots of Super Smash Kart Pokémon Vs Tekken Ware Dream Snap Party Star Revelations Turbo have sparked some debate over social media as to what the hell sort of game it really is, a few conclusions can be made clear. For example, there will be a ton of familiar faces, and gameplay will span many genres and canons. Have you ever wondered would it would be like to play Pokémon Snap in a Raccoon City setting while fending off the Redeads from Ocarina of Time with Assist Trophies? Of course not, but now you want to.

And that’s exactly the sort of theory Nintendo seems to be abiding by lately. “Rather than identify what the consumers want and try to meet their desires, let’s just look backward at the most successful stuff we’ve ever done and smush them all together into some unholy abomination,” they seem to be thinking, executing, and vomiting. Really, if these screenshots of Super Smash Kart Pokémon Vs Tekken Ware Dream Snap Party Star Turbo are to be believed, it will be futile for anyone else to ever make any video game ever.

Long live Nintendo: The company that single-handedly resurrected the home video game market in North America, then two-fistedly massacred the entire industry in one blow.

Nonetheless, advance publicity has been so positive and in-demand that, reportedly, a sequel is already in the works. New additions to the roster will purportedly include the shopkeeper dude from Skate or Die, three of the seven female 8-bit protagonists, Link’s Crossbow, Puck-Man, Bubzero, Mulezilla, Mario & Luigi’s younger brother Tony, Teenage Icarus, Princess Peach-Flavored Laxative, and a dead pixel.