GMZ

GMZ #2-7 – Dictionaries, Gay Marriages, and Death Threats. (Surprisingly, not all at the same time.)

Dictionary the Hedgehog

By Julian Barnes

The Oxford English Dictionary announced it has added Sonic the Hedgehog to its world renowned pages. A sample of reactions from gamers on social media taken immediately after the announcement showed most were pleased by the announcement as it is more evidence of the mainstream acceptance of video games. As for the definition itself, most were impressed by its accuracy and subtlety. You can find the definition, along with its accompanying image, below:

Sonic the Hedgehog: The Luigi of video games.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Young Video Game Characters Start Anti Gay Marriage Coalition

By T. DeCul

Baby Mario, Baby Luigi, and Baby Bowser, inspired by similar activism in many other countries, have launched a campaign aimed at repealing the Mushroom Kingdom’s barely year old law that legalised same-sex unions throughout the land. They’re calling it the Koopa-human Alliance For Keeping All Experimental Sex Quite Unsexed and Extinct, or KAFKAESQUE.

So far, their main argument is that if they continue to allow male koopas to marry male koopas, and female humans to marry female humans, how long until people start demanding to be able to marry Boos, Cheep-Cheeps, Piranha Plants, or even worse, Yoshis? A plethora of other arguments, the same seen in other countries, are also brought up.

In reaction to this, a spokesperson for the Mushroom Kingdom issued a statement explaining that they consider the matter to be resolved and that they have no plans to revisit the issue, adding that the administration is proud that all humans and koopas are now free to marry and share their love with the person of their choice, regardless of gender.

When informed of this statement, Baby Mario tried to place his own foot inside his  mouth, Baby Luigi went into a full blown tantrum, and Baby Bowser bit a reporter. In the end, all needed a soother and a diaper change to be calmed down.

Knuckles the Echidna Receives Death Threats

By James B.

Knuckles the Echidna, former video game star and underground rapper, has finally returned home after an extensive U.S. Your. Upon entering his house, though, he found it filled with hundreds of letters. Since no fan mail comes to his home address, Knuckles, curious, opened the letters. All contained threats, each one more violent and disturbing than the next. That was the scene that has not left the victims mind since last Wednesday.

“All I’m saying, man, is that shit is scary. How did they get in my house?” the echidna stressed, when GMZ paid him a visit Friday.

Each letter, despite different handwriting or type, and different envelopes, even different colored paper (some of it scented) shared one connection: the initials at the bottom of the page.

LTK.

“I don’t know who LTK is, but he is a nut case I don’t want to mess with.”

Knuckles expressed a desire to stay away from his home for a while till he is assured the situation is safe enough for him to return. When asked if he knew what LTK meant, the echidna turned a shade of white and refused to answer the question clearly.

“That’s the kind of thing you don’t talk about, man. That’s the code.” he declared, almost angrily to GMZ’s crew.

Knuckles’ plan for safety is unknown. Some theorize that he might be heading to Canada, some Venezuela, or even possibly, Ireland. What we do know is, someone is up to something: someone that Knuckles takes very seriously, and something that he is very worried about.