GMZ – Job Openings (For Real This Time)

Pierre here,

If you’re one of the thousands of people who grew up wishing they could one day work for GMZ, you’re in luck because we’re hiring! Now, you too can enjoy all the perks of being a member of one of the world’s foremost news teams: no pay, confusing and contradictory demands from your supervisors, no health benefits, sarcasm, free enemas, mandatory midiclorian testing, surprise enemas, severe risk of Englebert Humperdink syndrome, and reverse transversal Dorititis of the elbows.

So, what do you need to do for a chance to join our team? Well, you need to send us (gmzjournalism(at)gmail(dot)com) one unpublished sample story between now and September 23rd. That’s it. It can be long, short, two sentences with an image: it’s up to you. This gives you all three weeks. The selected candidates will have their work published in the Volume 2, Number 1 edition of September 30th to mark GMZ’s 1st anniversary.

Now, what will we expect of the people selected to join our team? Pretty much nothing. You won’t need to write an article for every post or anything like that. It’ll just mean that when inspiration hits you, you send us the story and we’ll put it in our next post. Heck, if something significant happens one day and you immediately write something, we’ll publish it right away as a “Breaking News” story like we did just last week with the piece Eric Bailey wrote. In the end, all it’ll mean is that you’ll officially be “part of the team” and can enjoy having an outlet for any “super serious news” pieces you write without the hassle of deadlines and junk. For Daniel and I, it means that once in a while, we have a little less work, all while bringing new people and ideas to GMZ. It’s win-win, if you ask me.

And in case you’re wondering, we’re serious this time. If you remember the time we hired and then fired BigJoe, that was all part of an elaborate joke planned out in advance. This thing isn’t that. We promise. Dammit… how do I finish this by saying that we’re 100% serious in a way that doesn’t sound like we absolutely aren’t? Uhm, this?