GMZ is run by Daniel (@thedancinpanda) and Pierre (@atsinganoi), who, besides their love of video games and French heritage, also share a complete lack of good taste. Regardless of what you may have heard on Twitter, they are not lovers, but they may be communists.
Hello fans, friends, and family,
It’s Daniel, here. So, as most of you know (hopefully), GMZ has officially ended. Even before the site was announced as closing, Pierre and I had been planning to end the series somewhere around the 2-year mark, anyway (which would have taken place in September). The closing of the site did rush a few things for us, so, we decided that, before it was all over, we were going to get together and discuss some of our personal favorite moments from GMZ, talk about ideas we never got to finish, and just chat about the process of making GMZ and how it has changed since Day 1 to where we are now, 2 years later. So, you will be able to listen to that in the Audio Guide in the post, as well as follow links to the favorite picks we discuss in our conversation.
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Dear fans,
It’s Daniel. I don’t have much time to spare. They might come any minute, but I figured I need to get the word out to you. Pierre and I are being pursued by an elite, high level cabal of video game figures and the nefarious organization they control. Word on the street is they are upset about us publishing completely truthful articles that have cast their companies/games/families/stupid, ugly faces in a negative light, so they are coming after us. You may have seen that several former GMZ reporters and subjects have gone missing or been murdered in recent weeks: these incidents, we believe, are the work of this organization.
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By M. C. Tuchmi Wii
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By Weir Neckst
And we believe them
Two gaming “legends,” John Romero (who is mostly known for being the less successful of the two Johns from id Software, and subsequently telling everyone how much of his bitch they are) and Brian Crecente (known for….doing….something) were recently spotted together in New Jersey, shopping for real estate. The two met in a Starbucks, and poured through property books, before visiting New Jersey real estate agent, Frank Frankinson. Frankinson showed Crecente and Romero through several properties, mostly shady warehouses.
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By D. Madnar
You’ve certainly already heard that Konami and Hideo Kojima appear to have had a less than amicable break up, with Konami removing his name and his production company’s name from the Silent Hills: PT and the upcoming Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain box art, and then not only removing PT from the Playstation Store, but also somehow having them deleted from the consoles themselves.
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By Zeke Revenant
Bandai Namco Games have announced that they will be resurrecting an old Namco IP, but with a twist. R.B.I. Baseball is fondly remembered by many retro gamers for some inexplicable reason, but Major League Baseball now makes terrible sequels for you to play in your browser. Meanwhile, cramming zombies into every game seems to be what everyone else is doing, so they decided to combine zombies and nostalgia to create something they are calling R.I.P. Baseball. From what we were shown, think Mutant League Hockey or Football, but with baseball and zombies and other monsters instead of mutants.
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By Theodore Ipecac Effete III
The Odyssey, Icelandic sagas, the Epic of Gilgamesh, Beowulf, and Tetris. The Faerie Queene, Animal Farm, Gulliver’s Travels, and Tetris. No, this isn’t a Sesame Street’s “one of these things is not like the other.” I shall describe to you how Tetris, especially for the NES, is the contemporary world’s greatest epic and allegory, a multilayered work of art with more meaning packed into it than anything that has come before it or after.
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By L. Mac
By P. Watson
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By Edward Nigma
“Jumping” Jim Rivers, Motocross enthusiast and star of the Nintendo classic Excitebike, as well as the sequel Excitebike 64, tragically passed away on Saturday due to an engine malfunction on his dirt bike.
By Julian Barnes
The Oxford English Dictionary announced it has added Sonic the Hedgehog to its world renowned pages. A sample of reactions from gamers on social media taken immediately after the announcement showed most were pleased by the announcement as it is more evidence of the mainstream acceptance of video games. As for the definition itself, most were impressed by its accuracy and subtlety. You can find the definition, along with its accompanying image, below:
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Hey everyone! It’s Daniel. I know this is late, but things have been a little crazy here around the office. A couple of interns died, and we are busy sorting through the paper work to prove that we are not at fault (I don’t know how the company pool was filled with electric eels, but I certainly didn’t put them in there. And last I checked, interns weren’t allowed to use the company pool). Read More
By Jugem Lakitu
It appears Yoshi’s legal troubles continued this week. After being released on bail several days ago after being arrested and charged with several counts of murder and cannibalism, the green dino laid low for a few days before going on what police are calling a murderous rampage, allegedly eating two witnesses, one of the lawyers for the prosecution, and the reporter who wrote the story we broke about his arrest two weeks ago. He was arrested again at the house of his long-time friend Mario. It is alleged that he was going to try to eat him as well.
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By Ken Reporter
Early this morning, T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, better known simply as Yoshi, was arrested by the Yoshi Island Police Departement. At a press conference held an hour later, police chief Snufit explained that Yoshi is wanted in connection with the hundreds of disappearances of various Yoshis dating back to the early 90s.
No one in the video game industry was exactly surprised by this. One person we spoke to under condition of anonymity had this to say: “I’va know about-a Yoshi’s, let’s-a say, “strange eating habits” for years. I’va always thought it’s-a weird. Mama mia, who eats-a their own friends and-a familia?!”
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By Groose Dampé
Legend of Zelda enthusiasts experienced a rollercoaster of emotions this week as Eric Bailey announced he had allegedly discovered exclusive information about the series’ official timeline.
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by Cece Romano
Last week, Shia LaBeouf, famed actor, artist, and paper-bag wearer, opened a new meta-modernist art exhibit. A follow-up to his exhibit #IAMSORRY, the newly titled @IGN consists of LeBeouf sobbing loudly and rolling in a pile of money naked in a small room as people enter. The entrants are them allowed to take an item off a table (a bag of Doritos, a bottle of Mountain Dew, and a copy of the latest Call of Duty) and physically assault LaBeouf with it.
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By Pierre Goguen
By Clayton Shefter
Just over a decade after Vick accumulated 500+ combined yards in passing and rushing with ease in Madden 04, Vick received what he calls “the highest honor of my career,” the 2014 recipient of the Golden Pong. Not known for his emotions, a teary-eyed Michael Vick thanked the college and NFL defenses he dominated in the early 2000s and EA Sports for bestowing on him super-human ratings on the one football game where he graced the cover.
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By Tom “T-Bone” Stankus
Child Welfare Services have placed the the young Prince and all his cousins in various foster homes and shelters after police across the universe arrested their parents for a multitude of charges ranging from reckless endangerment, child labour, cruelty, and malnutrition.
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Pierre here,
If you’re one of the thousands of people who grew up wishing they could one day work for GMZ, you’re in luck because we’re hiring! Now, you too can enjoy all the perks of being a member of one of the world’s foremost news teams: no pay, confusing and contradictory demands from your supervisors, no health benefits, sarcasm, free enemas, mandatory midiclorian testing, surprise enemas, severe risk of Englebert Humperdink syndrome, and reverse transversal Dorititis of the elbows.
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